Deep calls unto deep...

I blogged on this passage several months ago. I don't know why, but I need to play around with it some more... Psalm 42:7 reads,

"Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls; All Your waves and billows have gone over me."

A while back, I wrote a phrase that I will probably quote to myself and others many times for the rest of my life: Deep hurts. Deep down within your soul, there's all kinds of treacherous commotion. That's what the imagery in this passage confirms... waves and billows, noisy waterfalls. I've buried so much down there, and uncovering all of it has been, in my private settings, chaos and noisy and often painful. But cleaning out some of that stuff down there has liberated me more than any other single act other than my salvation.

I can't get away from it... deep is the place where true belief lies. You can believe something in your mind, but unless faith comes from your heart, Christianity is just a set of impossible rules to follow. There's no power, no victory, no joy, no hope.

I'm embarking on some of the most frightening journeys of my life now. I have no idea what life will look like very soon. It looks even more murky if I try to guess what life will look like in a few years. There's no earthy reason to trust in some words in a book written 2000 years ago, and follow the impressions within me given by some theological concept called "God". There's no reason to believe what Jesus said in Matthew 16 that I must lose my life to save it. I heard a sermon this evening paraphrasing it as becoming a loser in order to be a winner.

It is not manly to admit that I'm confused about a hundred different things, and scared about another hundred. At times, I'll feel like I'm the only one encountering my circumstances and I can feel very lonely and unsupported... in spite of the fact that I am surrounded by wonderful people. And make no mistake, as I deal with the turbulence of "deep", it crosses my mind to give up, sweep it back under the rug, ignore it, run from it all...

And then the Lord pierces me with His Word:

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen our heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" --Psalm 27:13-14

Even David knew that without believing in the promises of a good God, you have no hope. Giving up becomes the most logical way through the storm. I have to believe that God has something in store for me on the other side... I have to believe that God will finish what He started... I have to believe that God will make a way, and change the heart of those people I'm praying for, and provide when there are no apparent resources.

Lord, I am waiting upon you and resting in prayer now, ever so patiently. In accordance with your Word, strengthen my heart to carry forward, to do your will, to continue to run the race. I believe I will see your goodness in due time, so bless the journey on my way there.