SEX

Now that I've got your attention... all 4.7 of you readers... this one is about... that. But as a Christian, and as a young, single, vital man facing all of the same desires and struggles that everyone else faces, I want to synthesize some of the things I've come to understand into a composit blog post. This topic is taught so poorly in the church at large, and I think that fact has contributed to the degradation of biblical values in our society.

Hardly anyone wants to hear Christ's teaching about this topic because just about everyone will be "called out" when it comes to this issue. We have a hard time reconciling the natural desires we feel with the (false) notion that the Bible teaches that sex is bad unless it is only for procreation... and it should not be discovered, discussed, or understood openly.

To be clear, I believe and practice the Bible's teachings on sex. But the understanding and practical application of its teachings have been difficult to attain. Foundationally, it is obvious that if you believe in God, then God is the Creator and Author of sex. If you believe that God is good, and good sex is what you crave, then maybe it is worth it to search out God's heart on the purpose and pleasure of sex.

In both Old Testament and New, the Bible teaches that the design of sex and sexual desire is within the context of marriage (see Genesis 2:23-25, Mark 10:7-9). And the design of marriage is not to be within the context of sex, but to include sex as the highest form of physical bonding and intimacy, a reflection of the emotional commitment between a man and woman. Whenever I talk with someone on this topic and need to put this into a nutshell, I say the following:

What is the highest form of physical intimacy between two people? Sex.
What is the highest form of commitment between two people? Marriage.
Shouldn't the two go hand in hand?

Even when an engaged couple (or couple living together and intending to get married someday) have sex, the physical out-raced the commitment. Before covenant marriage happens, you still have an "out", still a few strings unattached. What does that say about how committed you are to, and how much you respect, the other person, if you feel the need to "test drive" the highest form of physical bonding?

I'm tired of people lamenting the rates of divorce and spousal abuse and trouble and wondering what the causes are. Genesis 2 teaches that "the two will become one flesh." It is talking about sex, and it is saying that sex is inherently a form of bonding in which the very nature of one person is given to, and permanently shared with, the other. Promiscuity gives yourself to so many sources, and I've met far too many people that couldn't process marital intimacy because they'd given themselves to so many other partners. By the time they got married, it was as if there was nothing left to give. There is no such thing as "just sex". It is a powerful bonder and affects the soul and spirit of a person so much more deeply than most people give it credit for.

We have such a restricted, narrow view of marriage these days. These days, single men are expected to be players... it is "cool" to be able to bed quantities of women. The only mention of "quality" in any way is superficially of how high the thrill of the moment was. And we expect, as a hypocritical society, that men are supposed to "settle down" and get married after a while, and be faithful to this one woman.

Look at how vilified Tiger Woods has been recently. He is wrong to cheat on his wife, don't get me wrong. WRONG!!! But he definitely lived that lifestyle before he was married, and was high-fived because of it. How can we expect him to shut off his quest for the excitement of his single life? He was conditioned for YEARS before he got married to have a cheap and self-serving view of sex.

The Bible portrays a much more liberating view of sex and marriage. If one reserves physical intimacy for marriage, look at how much excitement, discovery, and raw intimacy are opened up after the wedding. The world says, live like a player with no rules, then settle down and try to hold it for one person. The Bible says, save sex for the right context, and marriage is a great liberator for all forms of intimacy for two people geniunely committed to each other. I can't think of a more romantic thing for a husband to say to his new wife on his wedding night, "I have waited a long, long time for you."

What is a single to do? If sexual desire is from God, but outside of marriage, it is destructive, how do we fight it? We don't. This passage struck me like a ton of bricks recently: "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside of his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18).

I could write for days on that one, but I want to focus on only the first word: flee. In other words, run like crazy. And this is the important realization I had recently: we're not designed to fight sexual desire. We were created for it! It is a good thing! We are not going to win that battle. The only way we can avoid immorality is to stay away from temptations.

So many other vices, we are to fight. Look at Ephesians 6:10-18, and all of the soldier imagery, popularly called the "Armor of God". I have stood toe-to-toe with tough issues like fear, anger, depression, hurt, you name it. And we are to fight stuff like that, because they aren't part of God's design for us. The armors in biblical times didn't have protection in the back. If you run, you're not protected! You fight these things, with God's strength.

But sexual immorality? FLEE! God says, Run the other way. You're not going to win. Apart from repentance and God's supernatural transformation, sexual immorality distorts the godly nature of your sexual identity. And it is not realistic to expect that you or I can just "turn off" those desires because the atmosphere of your life changed. Thus, it is REALLY unrealistic to think that you can evade consequences forever.

Revelation 2:18-28 is an intense passage on sexual immorality. Again, I can write all day on this one, but I point out verse 21, where God says that he gave someone time to repent, but she was unwilling. God gives time and opportunity to turn the other way. There may be no apparent consequence for quite a while. In this passage, she did not repent.

I cannot underestimate just how powerfully this world is affected by the distortion of this thing that God created. So much brokenness and hurt, deep and profound hurt, has happened because God's prescription for sex wasn't followed. God offers time to repent, and He is powerful enough to restore EVERYTHING within you to be aligned with His good, perfect, thrilling, and amazing plan for your life.